Guest of Allah

It's a lazy Saturday after weeping last night... Last night we sent Mama to Tabung Haji Kelana Jaya.  She has gone to Madinah to start her Haj journey.  Until now I feel so sad and empty.

When Mama got to know that she was honoured to become one of the guests of Allah to complete the rituals of Hajj, she said this to me "Mama dapat pegi Haji, tapi Mama takde kawan"... That's my Mama. If she wants something, she wouldn't ask for it directly I guess.  She's just like my Arwah Tok who wouldn't want to menyusahkan sesiapa.  I didn't know how to respond to that.  As much as I wanted to follow her, honestly I wasn't financially and spiritually ready (since she's gonna go along with private travel package which costs more than 20k) .  I felt even more guilty when people asked me "Mama pegi sorang je?" Allah gave me strength to tell them, "No lah, she'll be going with her cousin". 

I am also quite worried of her health condition as she has lower back pain. She also gets migraine and asthma attack sometimes.  It may seem like I do not care most of the times, but the truth is I do and only Allah knows how much I care for her.  

I hope and pray that she will be in good health, she will have enough strength to perform Hajj.  May Allah the Almighty grant all the pilgrims acceptance and grant us the opportunity to visit the Sacred land someday.  Ameen...

Whoever performs Hajj for the Pleasure of Allah and therein utters no word of evil, nor commits any evil deed, shall return from it (free from sin) as the day on which his mother gave birth to him. Bukhaari, Muslim