I've been calling my dear sweetheart "Abang". Yeah some of my friends would react like they were going to puke when they heard about this. A city gal like me callling her hubby, "Abang"... Sounds cheesy huh? The other day when I had lunch with my colleagues, they told me, abang sounds wrong for hubbies, as we can't samakan our sweethearts with our siblings. Well, I managed to find a relevant article written in The Malaysian Insider by Zaiden Baharudin in Dec 2010. It's well-defined and explained why do I call my sweetheart, "Abang". Here, I extracted some cool points that makes me feel this writer understood the reason I called my dear hubby ~ Abang...
"Abang" means older brother in Malay. It is often used in Malay families when one addresses their older male siblings. Malay families (mostly) find it rather disrespectful to address their older sibling by their first name alone. So as a sign of respect the word “abang” is usually placed before the person's name or nickname e.g. "Abang Zali” or “Abang Long".
Abang is also used in daily conversation, be it with strangers or acquaintances. People prefer to use the word abang to refer to their slightly older male counterparts or seniors as a sign of respect, a culture that one naturally carries from the family to office, university or school.
From asking for directions of a stranger to ordering drinks, abang is often used. This is because people like to introduce a feeling of respect, cordial and pleasantness into the conversation; it’s like every conversation is with a family member. Indeed this is something truly Malaysian that breaks through the racial boundary. There’s the saying that everyone in Malaysia is someone related to you, they're either an abang, kakak, uncle, auntie, macha or boss.
This is perhaps the first step into understanding why Malay women call their sweethearts “abang”. It's because it is a nickname that has a feeling of respect, adoration, closeness and, most importantly, love. She calls him “Abang” and he calls her “Sayang”. See it even rhymes nicely.
Psychology 101
When you watch “Young and Dangerous”, a Cantonese gangster movie starring Ekin Cheng, you notice that the gang bosses are called “Tai Lo” or big brother in Cantonese. Their Tai Lo, apart from being their boss, is at the same time their guide, protector and also someone the rest of the gang members look up to. Chan Ho Nam is the Tai Lo in “Hung-Hing”, meaning whenever there is trouble and people want to settle things they would call him to have a “slow talk”.
Now the same reasoning can be applied in the abang factor. It’s not saying that Malay families are run like gangsters, it’s just that
women (no matter how modern) would always want their man to be their protector, the one who they can count on when there’s trouble. It’s like when girls are being bullied by the naughty neighbourhood kid, their big brothers would come and beat him up. So now their sweethearts will take the role of their older siblings. He’d come and beat up the jerk and whom she can depend on when things get rough. This is why he is called “abang” — he’s the new big brother, the new Tai Lo or in a more romantic sense,
her knight in shining armour.
Pronunciation
When a cute female anime character calls a male character “Oni Chan” in an annoyingly cute high-pitched voice, their male fans would get all giddy and excite. When it comes to “abang” in Malay it’s all about how you pronounce it. There a difference between an “abang” the big brother, “abang teh o ais satu” and “abang sayang”.
When it comes to ordering “teh o ais” it’s fairly easy to do as no one says “abang teh o ais satu”. Since this is a rather mundane and short social interaction, usually people would use the more casual form which is “bang”. The same rule can be applied to other forms of “abang” usage in daily conversation.
But it gets tricky when it comes to husbands/boyfriends and the pronunciation depends on the situation. Remember this maxim it’s not what you say but how you say it. Generally there are three ways of saying “abang” to your loved ones
Abaang — The “A” slightly longer then the sibling “abang” and generally used in daily conversation. People can tell that you mean your husband by just listening to the way you pronounce it e.g. “Abaang, jom makan kat luar hari ni.” Or “Abaang jangan lupa beli beras.”
Abang! — The way you pronounce, it is “A”, slight pause, “Bang” and to be used when one is angry or annoyed e.g. “Abang! Siapa perempuan ni? Cakap!”
Abaaaaanngg — To be pronounced with a very long “A” and a fading effect on the “NG” sort of like purring. This is what one call as the “manja” (affectionate) “abang”. To be used during intimate moments or asking for a favour. Generally straight Malay men will melt when hearing this form of “abang” and this works all the time. Culturally this form is usually used on Friday nights, Islamic calendar of course.
I started off with the definition, to the reasons and finally on how to say it and by now you should be a fine “abang” connoisseur.
