He's always in my heart

Tomorrow we will be celebrating eid "hari kemenangan"... to be frank I have stop fasting from F&B since a week ago. CUTiii ler...  How do I feel about celebrating Eid this year?  Nothing more than how I felt last year... For me, Raya means of course selesai sudah bulan Ramadhan yang mulia, new clothes, different ambiance, interesting TV stuff made especially due to Raya, special menu to compare with daily F&B. That kind of stuff...

What makes Raya this year different from the previous years,

1.  my gramma's ill and she's not gonna get it why are we celebrating Raya anymore...
2. we have allocated more money for ang pow raya to be given out to the kids of our families and relatives.
3. our theme colour for our raya clothings

Tu je la kot...

But one thing that lingers in my head now... I miss my late Grand Dad.  He was my hero.  We, the whole family looked highly up to him.  There's so much things to write about him.

• He was strong and hardworking.  He still insisted on working when he was already in his 70s.  He was still driving in his 80s.

•  He was very kind and generous. He was one out of three who initiated the Rumah Kanak2 Tunku Budriah.   I still remember how he liked taking me to go visit the less fortunate kids when I wasn't even gone to school yet...   I guess that was the way he taught me how to always be thankful for what I have.  I once was kissed by Allahyarham Sudirman when he performed at the orphanage.  My late grand dad was also the AJK of the surau then, upgraded to Mosque. He actively participated in so many social activities, the one that I could remember was gotong royong.

• He always remembered Allah.  During dawn and night, he would walk to surau to join the solat jemaah.  He had always recited Al-Quran.  When he was really2 ill, although he was already wheel chair bounded, he insisted on us taking him to the bathroom cos he wanted to take wudhu' then prayed. My grandma once told me that he recited surah Yaasin the day he was gonna leave us. 

• He was a very modest man.  He had never told anyone about his good deeds, or his success.  I saw loads of pictures of him with Tunku Abdul Rahman.  But he never bragged about hanging out with the first Malaysian PM.  He made friends without judging.  The day he died, the petrol pump attendant came to pay his last respect, then he shed a tear and told us that my late grand dad was a very warm, friendly and kind to everyone. :')

•  He liked to dress up.  I always remember his turquoise baju melayu and kain pelekat.  But he liked to wear his collar shirts tucked in and his complete black baju melayu, songkok with sampin.  My friend pernah cakap "Wow, smartnya Tok awak..." I was flattered...

•  He was very loving.  He loved small kids the most.  He used to take me out to Pizza, mamak restaurant and bought me toys.  I was so attached to him when I was small. He used to pick me up at school and sent me to sekolah agama almost everyday.  He liked to tickle his small grand children including me.  That's why all of us are very ticklish.  He liked us to sit on his lap.  He always smiled.  I remember his smile... always...

I have so many more memories with him that stays with me, in my mind, in my heart. I will always love him and now I miss him so much.  The saddest thing I remember was when he only remembered to call out my name when he was really ill during his last days with us... He even called my gramma with my name. :')

Whenever I think about him, I still feel lost and sad. Whenever I speak about him, my eyes start to fill with tears.  like right at this moment...  :'(

Here's the loving thought of him, the sweet doll that he bought for his favourite little grand daughter, which was meee...  I'm still keeping it until now.  To me, it's the most valuable doll I've ever had...

Al-Fatihah for my dear beloved Arwah Tok.

silent night

I feel so empty right now.
Eid's approaching.
But I feel so incomplete.
Again my family's not gonna be ONE once again.

Cos My Dad has always been celebrating alone as we've been celebrating the first day of Eid with either my mom and her family or my In-laws.
Cos I don't know how it's like to celebrate the first day with my dad.
Cos I have never done it all my life.

Cos I truly miss my late Grand Dad who was so very dear to me.
Although he passed on 1999, the memory of him still lingers in my head.
Cos he loved me, he cared about me, he raised me up...

Cos my one and only sister has not been celebrating with us for many many years now...
Cos she has to follow my brother-in-law
Cos he's the only child in his family

Cos I have a feeling  I won't have the chance to celebrate the raya with my nieces and cheeky nephew.
Cos her mother hates my guts.
Cos they might not miss me like how I miss them.

Cos my grandma is still very ill.
Cos she may not recognize me when I give salam to her.
Cos she may not be able to call my name when I greet her.

Allah, please give me strength to survive the emptiness deep inside my heart. Ameen...

Cooling. Soothing. Refreshing!

I'm not a person who would spend so much for skin care stuff.  I have used skin care products that can easily be found in any of the supermarkets or pharmacies.  Until recently I saw the signs of me getting even darker eye circles, bigger eye bags, uneven skin tone, more freckles, crows feet and oily T-Zone.  I was thinking like how time flies... We really do get all these once we step into the 30s? So why are the magazines lying to us? 30 is the new 20? Like dhuh!!! What a crap... I'll stick to "aging with grace"...  *winks*  However no harm trying in finding a suitable skin care product to overcome these problems perhaps?

Anyway... the best place that popped into my  head was Body Shop.  The sweet young lady retailer (like their simple make-up, not as heavy as Foto Zoom gals those days... *grin*) introduced me to White Shiso set - facial wash, toner and moisturiser. 

this is it!

Embrace luminous and clear skin with this gentle Foaming Facial Wash which effectively removes
make-up and impurities for skin clarity and radiance. 

With vitamin C and licorice, this instant mousse-tofoam, oil-free wash creates a luxuriously rich and creamy lather to cleanse and remove dead skin cells.

Use every morning for a clear, supple and
bright complexion. - thebeautyreviewexpress.com





Still too afraid to buy the whole set, so I decided to try out the foaming facial wash first.  The price of this facial wash is RM78 for 150ml.  At first I thought it was quite pricey cos the facial wash I used before didn't even touch RM30 even though it was only for 100ml.

SHiSo? It is defined as a plant of the mint family, native to eastern Asia, chiefly used as a herb in Japanese cookery by WordReference.com...  Owh now I know...  My friend told me that the Whitening range was cheaper before this as it didn't contain Shiso.

I've been using it for about couple of months already.  The first time I used it, I felt so refreshed like my face just touched an icy cold river! The result?  Not all the issues like the dark eye circles, eye bags and freckles are totally eliminated now but I can see the improvement lah... It makes my skin feels softer and my skin actually looks slightly better now.  I can't wait to buy the toner and moisturiser!

Rate: Greeaaatt!!!  I'd give 7 glowing STARS upon 10!

Jalan2 atas Jalan TAR...

Hijab, tudung, head dress, whatever people wanna call it, they are the same, which wraps our head for us to tutup aurat as tuntutan Islam.  We usually tend to find the one that matches our new clothes kan... kan...

Yeay, I have 5 pairs new baju raya altogether!!! ;D But hurmmm dgn x sabar2nye, I've worn 2 pairs already to wedding receptions.  I went to Jalan TAR to look for shawls to complement the baju raya.  It has been part of my shopping routine in the fasting month since last 3 years.  Yup, it has been 3 years I've been wearing hijabs.  Alhamdulillah...

Jln TAR's not my one and only hijabs supplier, I also bought them everywhere from KL to Kelantan, dari gerai tepi jalan sampailah ke boutique.  But I wont spend more than RM200 for only 1 hijab.  Giler ape?!

It took us an hour to find parking cos all parking places were FULL.  Finally we parked our car at CapSquare which costs only RM2 for 2 and a half hours.  I somehow don't mind to join the packed crowd there because they have plenty of variety choices of hijabs and their shawls are extraordinary CHEAP! You can get 1 shawl for not even 10 bucks there!  Seriously!!! 

How much damage I've done? Well not a serious damage.  I've just spent only RM53.50 for 2 short sleeves t-shirt inner (I swear I haven't seen a cotton inner like these everywhere else!) and 2 shawls.  Only 2 shawls?  Yeah... unfortunately most of the shawls look so gaudy with unnecessary bead work like green shawl tiba2 ade purple mix green beads sangkut at the corner of the shawls! Addoiii, Hehehe... tak sanggup nak pakai even if I were to go out of norm...  Entah lah maybe ade yang suke mcm tu kot...

borrowed from dihatisara.blogspot.

Ni nak cerita kisah satu gerai.  Gerai ni banyak plak marketing stategies nya.  Just look at this picture:

This ad attracted my attention, which pulling me into the gerai.  Tgh belek2 tudung, skali pandang the trader tu macam"akak" pakai tudung.  Bile tgk betul2 rupenye... jeng jeng jeng...

A tudung man.  Borrowed from Malay Mail.

The "akak" pakai tudung was actually a MAN.  Siap dgn janggut skali ok... Serious terkejut.  It's part of his marketing strategies.


Read this interesting stuff about the "Tudung Man" at Jalan TAR. ; )

Thankful Thursday

Alhamdulillah dah 11 hari umat Islam seMalaysia berpuasa... But in this holy month of Ramadhan, banyak betul scary news were reported like murder cases, kerat sana kerat sini, and recently a Malaysian student kene rompak and belasah by London rioters... Damn scary...  Inilah kita manusia akhir zaman...  Mungkin Allah nak beri kesedaran buat kita, bile kite rase kite ade masalah, those people are facing even bigger problems kan... kan... Itu baru betul kite panggil "Masalah Negara"... 

I'm not perfect but I'm happy,  my life's not always a bed of roses but I'm thankful. So today I wanna make a list of the things I'm thankful for...  10 THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR...

1.  ISLAM

     I'm thankful that I am Islam. Although I am not very pious but I love all the guidance that I read from Quran and Hadith.  I'm trying my best to recharge my faith and follow what have been taught in Quran and Hadith in order to be a good Muslim. I believe Allah has given me a lot of miracles in my life.  Like they said "Islam is the way of life".

     2.   MOTHER

     I'm thankful to have such a talented, strong and independent Mama who always know how to deal with tough times.  She's my mother and also my teacher who gives good tips and guidance if things get complicated.  She can also be a doctor who has always been advising me to take the right medicines or remedies if I'm about to get sick.  I'm lucky to have such a nice Mother-In-Law who loves to cook for her children.  She's not fussy and she has been very patient with a 'manja' daughter-in-law like me. 

     3.    SWEETHEART

     I'm thankful to have a wonderful and loving  husband who loves me and accept me for who I am.    Who loves and appreciate my family even more than I do. He's my best friend ever. He has helped me to become a better person each and everyday like I have always said.  He's a very supportive and sporting hubby!  He 's funny and so sweet cos he likes to make me happy with his own ways. He's a very decent guy who doesn't like to lepak with friends or go clubbing n stuff.  I'm so very lucky to have such a great man with a big heart as my sweetheart...

    4.      CAREER

    I'm thankful that I have achieved a few of my dream jobs like to be in the Corporate Communications team.  Although I'm not much of a people person but I've got to learn a lot of skills from working with people.  I also had the chance to be the Preschool teacher of many adorable kids, and couple of them still remain in touch with me although they have grown up into fine young teenagers.

    5.    FRIENDS

    Even though I don't have millions of friends in my facebook, or thousands of friends outta facebook, I'm still thankful to have a few friends who does sincerely care about me.  They have always been there whenever I need them. To gossip with, to vent, pelagi... to shopping with, to have coffee with... Mcm2 lagi la.

    6.    ART

    I've been adoring arts scene since kecik lagi.  I used to draw a lot when I was a lil kid while waiting for my mom to finish her work. I'm thankful that I had been given a chance to go to Art college and managed to graduate in Illustration.  I'm thankful to have such a good experience to be involved in art scenes like musical theater. (Theater mcm tak relevant ngan Illustration kannn... But face painting for the casts relevant kannn.... *winks)

    7.    HOUSE AND COMMUNITY

    I'm thankful to have the chance to grow up in a peaceful neighbourhood where I can wake up every morning listening to birds chirping.  I'm still staying with my mother now.  I love her house cos it's near KL City like 20 mins driving distance only.  It's also so near my office that helps me escape from the long distance massive jam.

     8.    REZEKI

     I'm thankful for having financially secured even though I am not rich.  I have enough food to eat and more than enough clothes to wear. *griiin...  On top of that, I have a few more bucks for shopping!!!  Plus Alhamdulillah I still have some to share with my Mama...  Although we don't have BMW or Merce, we have two useful cars, the first car is for everyday use while the second car is my comel car to stand by for emergency cases. 

     9.  HEALTH

     I'm so thankful that the worst penyakit I ever had so far in my life is Gastric.  Or maybe UTI? Or else the allergic conjunctivitis.  All my life, I have never been admitted in the hospital cos I have never faced any critical illness.  Thank God!  I don't even like to eat medicine and I can't imagine if I can cope with hospital admission.  I'm thankful to be given a pretty good health.

      10.  LIVING

      I'm thankful for the chance to still breathe, live my good life in a peaceful country.  I'm thankful to be able to still use my eyes to see, my ears to listen, my mouth to talk and to eat, my hands to type and to hold, my legs to walk and to run... and everything else about living...

GRATITUDE IS THE BEST ATTITUDE!

Love for Allah...

"Kadangkala Allah sembunyikan matahari,
Dia datangkan petir dan kilat.
Kita menangis dan tertanya-tanya, kemana menghilangnya sinar. Rupa-rupanya Allah nak hadiahkan kita pelangi.

Cinta yang disemadikan tidak mungkin layu selagi ada imbas kembali. Hati remuk kembali kukuh selagi ketenangan dikecapi. Jiwa yang pasrah bertukar haluan selagi esok masih ada.
Parut lama pastikan sembuh selagi iman terselit di dada.
Kekayaan yang paling kaya adalah akal, kemiskinan yang paling besar adalah jahil, keburukan yang paling hodoh adalah sesat"
... taken from iLuvislam.com.

Lately people around me have been talking about Khairul Fahmi and Elia.  I tried so hard not to be bias by reading both sides of the story.  Well... I have my own opinion after reading them and I think the best thing now is not to judge either one of them. Only Allah can judge them... Wallahu'alam... 

I truly feel sorry for what has happened, I know how it's like to feel sad, hurt, lost and confused.  I faced a lot of heartbreaking moments before I met my right guy.  Based on my experience, I believe Allah has greater plans for both of them... Insya-Allah... 

I'm not perfect either but as a Muslim, dengan rendah hati let's remind each other, tak payahlah nak kutuk, caci, maki sesiapa dalam hal ni especially in the holy Ramadhan ni... None of us is perfect and nothing in this world is permanent.  Bersyukur ke hadrat Ilahi and don't ever give up seeking the blessings from Allah and keep praying for good life in this world and the hereafter.  That applies to me too... 

Here's an inspirational article to read:

Click iluvislam.

Glimpse of yesterday's M-barrassment...

All of a sudden, teringat a few stuff yg most embarrassing happened in my life.  They are really making me smile...  I'm ready to make fun of my own embarrassing experience just for good laughs!

- When I was 12, there was this big event happened in our neighbourhood. We, being the kids at the neighbourhood had the chance to perform our activities respectively like a short play, silat etc.  I was involved in Silat Sukmorogo (Silat Jawa) show with my team mixed boys and girls.  All the girls but me wore singlets or tees underneath the silat costume.  Costume ke uniform? Anyway... Yup, I WAS THE ONLY ONE who didn't wear singlet or t-shirt underneath the costume although it had a very LOW cut collar. Yikes! nasib baik flat semua, x revealing langsung. Ok2... Nnti obscene plak...

- There was this one guy had a crush on me during our secondary school. But I didn't entertain him. Pernah I agreed to go out with him but I chose not to show up. Tehehehee... After we finished our school, he had diverted his attention to my bestie.  She kinda liked him too.  Then my bestie insisted on me tagging along with her when she wanted to go out with him.  Tgh jalan2 cari makan, "DANG" I fell down right into a hole in the roadside.  Malu2, Malu sangat!!! Tu lah tak baik x showed up bile u promised to show up ok...

- When my bestie just got her license, she loved to drive me and another bestie around KL sampai ke Genting pun ade.  Mase tu tgh rancak bersuka ria... There was this one day when it was raining heavily, we sang out loud Awie's hit songs in her car(Masetu Awie tgh top). Suddenly the car's engine died.  Owh dear, what's next? Hahahaha... What else?! We've got to go out from the car and pushed the car in the middle of heavy rain towards the side of the road.  Luckily ade lorry berhenti and helped us out.  Malu2 Malu2 lagi!!!

- It was my first week working at the bank. I haven't had many friends yet.  Dgn muka confident jalan nak pegi food court all by myself.  When I was going up  the stairs "DANG" I slipped and fell down the stairs.  Semua tgk... Ouch... Malu and sakkkiiiittt!!!

- At the bank, I had the chance to work with a very good looking boss. He was super cool! But... he liked to tease me a lot.   I sms-ed my pet sis to b*tch about him.  I waited and waited for my pet sis to reply.  She used to reply immediately.  So, I felt so awkward cos she didn't reply at all, then after a while, I checked again my sent box. And guess what? I accidentally sms-ed that BOSS (Uh-huh the boss that I b*tched about) and b*tched about HIM... Hahahaha... Until now, he didn't say anything about it... Let's just remain that way Ok... Tp tiap2 tahun dah hantar kad raya mintak ampun...

Hahaha...

But I learned that there's a certain character that can be built from embarrassing yourself endlessly. If you can sit happy with embarrassment, there's not much else that can really get to ya.
Christian Bale

Breaking up is hard to do...

 Before I start blogging, let's enjoy this teaser song that was used to be a little close to my heart.

 

I hate to admit but I used to be a CRY baby.  Breaking up can be so hurtful.  Broken hearted is the most excruciating experience in our lives.  I remember the only time I didn't feel a thing when a boy told me, " I think we should break-up"... When? When I was 14. He was 14 too.  He had a crush on me, siap bagi mixed love songs compiled in a cassette lagi, pastu after a while, tiba2 nak break up with me when we had never even started a special relationship kot. That was the very first time a boy wanted to break up with me but I didn't feel hurt... Funny!!! Hehehehe... 

But... the first time I felt hurt was when I had to break up with my very first monyet? ehehehe... you know like they always said "Cinta monyet".  I wonder siape yg monyet?  Org yg di sana x faham bahasa tu, monyet kot... Ehehehe... Ke tak padan ngan kecik dah gediks mcm monyet? Hahaha... Masa tu, rase mcm I don't wanna fall in love again cos love hurts! Mase tu la, mmg I was such a cry baby... All I did was peluk bantal busssuk n cry all night while writing all my frustrations in my diary...  Yes, biaselah being such a young and naive at the age of 19, of course I would share a lil this and that with my close friends...  But most of them, I'd rather kept it to myself. 19 is quite old for Cinta Monyet right? Naaaahhh, the female monyet first fall for the male monyet when she was 14 but she just kept to herself until he made the 1st move.  Female monyet tu me laahh... Long story cut short, we really started to see each other when I was 18.

In my early 20s... the only thing that I can remember now is just hung out a lot with quite a few of my friends to survive a heartache.  Mase tu, I have loads of teman tapi mesra which of course guys, and I refused to commit into a special relationships with them.  But they were there for me for a cup of coffee or coke and they kept me a great company to watch movies.  I hope it's ok to say that sometimes we just need a blanket to wrap around us when we feel so cold deep down in our souls...  But if it's beginning to get so warm, we've got to roll it off a bit right?  Nanti berpeluh, susah plak... Ehehe...  Mase tu bile duduk sorang2, mulalah dgr lagu jiwang2, feeling2 - "All by myself" by Celine Dion, "Can't live without you" by Mariah Carey, hurrmmm ape lg ek... Lagu Siti Nurhaliza pn layan jugak biler layan perasaan yg duka lara tu... *grin*

Later when I was already in my late 20s, I was growing a little wiser and a little stronger than before.  I managed to deal with my wounded heart wisely.  I didn't have to have another teman tapi mesra next to me.  How? I keep myself even closer to Allah and ask for forgiveness, and strength to move on.  I was beginning to learn how to love myself and to learn to  appreciate my life more.   Mase tu lah I did what I had to do, find the right path for me ~ took up part time classes, actively participated in dancing and aerobics sessions.  Ping!!! A right wake up call for me... I quit listening to all the sad love hurts songs... I started to gather my strength and listen to more numbers like "irreplaceable" by beyonce, "shake it off" by mariah carey, "ought to know" by Alanis Morisette. These songs were really helping!  And eventually after I learned how to love myself, someone loves me for who I am... My dear sweetheart...

When I heard a sweet girl ( you know who you are) who is trying hard to heal her broken heart, I ought to tell her this "Do cry, but for a while... Express yourself, write or scream or anything, as long as you let it out... Then, wake up, time to move on, remember to ask Allah to help you to find the right way"... (((Hugs u tight)))...